Official Synopsis:
It's a long holiday weekend at the Lambda Epsilon Zeta sorority house, and a handful of girls stay behind to indulge in three days of partying, sex games and strangely delicious meals prepared by the weird new chef. But as the sisters begin to disappear one-by-one, the remaining coeds - The Slut, The Stoner, The Bible Beater, The Dumb Hot Blonde, The Predatory Lesbian, The Tease, The Dominatrix, and The Good Girl - will find themselves trapped in a nightmare of graphic slaughter, involuntary cannibalism and heaping helpings of gourmet nudity. Mark Hengst, Makinna Ridgway and Kit Paquin star in this blood-splattered black comedy that cuts like a knife, tastes like chicken and serves up a scrumptious feast of carnage courtesy of The Cook.
Our Take:
You just know a movie is going to be dumb when the production company that produced the movie is called the same thing as the movie’s title. For example, The Cook’s opening credit reads “The Cook Movie LLC Presents” That’s a wee bit redundant… and stupid.
The Cook has three credited writers yet not one of them could think of a story to tell. Rule number one: If you don’t have a story to tell, don’t try to tell one. It’s simple. Just don’t write something like this and then you wont look so foolish for having failed.
Slow motion pillow fights, awkward sounding lines of dialogue full of dirty euphemisms and more boobs than you can count (or count them, it’s probably fun) tend to make this movie lean more towards the softcore porn category (with blood splattered throughout) than any kind of horror comedy mix, which I’m assuming is what The Cook is supposed to be.
At one point three of the sorority chicks are smoking weed and watching Nosferatu. There’s just no way any of them even know what that movie is, let alone “love it” and watch it all the time. This is a pretty moot complaint taken on its own but it’s this scene plus a million other dumb scenes strung together that create the narrative that is The Cook.
Special features include:
* Commentary with Executive Producer/Writer/Editor Nicholas Bonomo and Actors Mark Hengst, Makinna Ridgway, Kit Paquin, Nina Fehren and Brooke Lenzi.
* Behind The Scenes: The Cook (5 minutes).
* Mark Hengst (The Cook) Audition Footage (3 minutes).
Boobs are cool but they’re better served elsewhere. Do yourselves the favor and don’t make reservations with The Cook.
Overall Picture:
Movie: F
DVD: C+
- Landen Chase Pelish
Staff Writer
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