Dear Mystery Science Theater 3000: The Movie,

I’m sorry to have to do this in a letter. I know I should have done it in person, but I’m afraid I don’t have what it takes to look you in the eyes and tell you that I just don’t love you anymore.

Our affair was a passionate one. It started many years ago and I thought you were wonderful. We laughed and had so many fun moments together. Back in 1996, you were just about the funniest thing I’d ever seen.

But perhaps absence doesn’t make the heart grow fonder. For, while it’s been 12 long years since I last saw you, I never stopped thinking about you and how funny you were. “If only,” I would say to myself longingly, “if only you would someday get released on DVD so I could relive those loving memories.” And then, lo and behold, Universal Studios made my dreams come true and finally released you on DVD, although sans even a single bonus feature.

Oh, I was such a happy man! “Now we could be together forever!” I thought. But something had changed. Please don’t feel bad; it’s me, not you. Perhaps I’ve just grown and matured, but you… well, you seem the same as always. Except now, all the laughs are gone. Sure, watching you again made me chuckle once or twice (“Recognize me now, Ruth?”), but the magic is gone. I just don’t feel the same way about you anymore. I don’t know why it’s turned out this way, and I hope you can forgive me for just not loving you anymore.

Perhaps someday we’ll reconnect, but I think it’s for the best if we just take some time away from each other. I guess maybe I just need some space. But perhaps this is simply the end of a great love affair that simply has lost its spark, its passion. And for that, I’m truly sorry. I may never laugh like I used to when we were young again.

Best wishes always,

Mike Spring

Editor

P.S. -

Overall Picture:
Movie: C
DVD: C-

Official Synopsis:
From the makers of the highly successful cult classic TV series comes Mystery Science Theater 3000: The Movie - one of the most outrageous, most irreverent, and most hilarious big-screen spoofs ever! A mad scientist, in his quest for world domination, concocts a diabolical scheme to subject the human race to the worst movie ever made: 1955's This Island Earth. It's up to one test subject's quick wit, sharp sense of humor, and utter intolerance for cinematic garbage to foil the plans of the scientist and to save the Earth. Experience the hijinks and low jabs of Mystery Science Theater 3000: The Movie - where the worse the movie is, the better time you'll have!