Official Synopsis:
Sweet and savvy talking golden retriever, Bailey (the voice of Jon Lovitz – The Stepford Wives, The Wedding Singer), is one doggone lucky pooch when his devoted owner, Constance Pennington, leaves him her entire billion-dollar fortune. Bailey is lucky, that is, until he becomes the target of an elaborately-designed dognap scheme hatched by Constance's nasty nephew Caspar (Tim Curry – The Rocky Horror Picture Show, Oliver Twist) and his money-hungry wife Dolores (Jennifer Tilly – Monsters, Inc; Liar Liar). The despicable duo's wicked plan is to ultimately gain custody of the canine so they can get their greedy paws on his inheritance. Unfortunately for them, there's a thing or two they don't know about Bailey. Not only does he have great street smarts, he has great pals too. Bailey's loyal guardian Ted (Dean Cain – TV's Lois & Clark: The New Adventures of Superman), kind-hearted animal advocate Marge (Laurie Holden – Fantastic Four, The Majestic), her daughter Sam, and a clever border collie named Tessa set out on a hilarious madcap adventure to free their four-legged friend and put the nasty dognappers out of business—for good!
Our Take:
I had forgotten what a truly bad movie was like; that is, until I saw Bailey’s Billions. While most films featuring an animal as a main character can be pretty awful to begin with, this one truly takes the cake. I had a smidgen of hope for it too, what with Dean Cain, Jennifer Tilly, and Tim Curry starring in it. That’s a cast that could have led to a decent flick, but it’s obvious that they just showed up to collect a paycheck.
It’s quite apparent to me that this movie isn’t even remotely meant for adults to enjoy; it’s a kid flick in the tradition of most safe (read: bland) PG-rated films. Still, even as a safe film, it doesn’t really get the job done. It’s got a bunch of one-liners from Bailey (voiced by Jon Lovitz) with a zany, over-the-top, almost cartoon feel to it. That could be a good thing, but it really fails to have any sort of charm whatsoever.
Bailey’s Billions isn’t even worth the DVD it’s pressed on, as there are no special features included with this DVD. They couldn’t even give a dog a bone here! There really is no reason to buy this DVD, unless you happen to be a Tim Curry film completist. Of course, I’ve got Clue and The Rocky Horror Picture Show, and that’s all I need from him. Basically, this is strictly a last resort rental for the kids.
Overall Picture:
Movie: D
DVD: C-
- Mike Spring
Editor
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